The Ballad of Tomatillo Jones


Sit down, my friends and I’ll sing you a song
About a mean green hero and it won’t take long
He stood two inches high with a nice firm feel
And he had a whole lot of appeal
He’s Tomatillo Jones!
That’s Tomatillo Jones.

It was long ago and far aways
When the Wild West was in its salad days
And bandits marauded through the towns
Those bad guys needed some dressing down!
By Tomatillo Jones
Brave Tomatillo Jones.

He rode into town one summer morn
On the back of his horse he called Bjorn.
Bjorn was Swedish bred, branded a Chard.
He wasn’t real fast but he could ride hard.
Like Tomatillo Jones
Hard ridin’ Tomatillo Jones!

See, Jones had heard Gang Green was in town
And he was there to dress them down
For dressing was his stock and trade.
He might get shaken but never afraid.
He’s Tomatillo Jones
Spicy Tomatillo Jones.

Jones found the gang in the Cantina Bowl.
He tried to taco to them for peace was his goal.
They tossed him around and tried to chop him.
They blended him and ground him but could not stop him.
Pour Tomatillo Jones
Good Tomatillo Jones

He flowed right through their dastardly attacks
Pulled his shakers and covered their backs
Gang Green lay down and admitted their fault
He peppered them with guilt ‘til they pled to assault

To Tomatillo Jones
Heart-healthy Tomatillo Jones

So if you’re needing a hero today
Because your vegetable gang is getting away
With being boring and tasteless and in need of spice
Call the hero with great taste who’s always nice
Tomatillo Jones
Delicious Tomatillo Jones!

I honestly don’t know where this came from. I’ve been looking for something to knock free with writer’s block I’ve had for the past month or so. Last night, the name Tomatillo Jones stuck in my head. This seemed like the only thing to do with it. Thirty minutes and one rough edit later, here we are.

You really should try singing it. If you need a tune to borrow, I suggest “Mediocre Fred” by the Smothers Brothers. That’s the one I borrowed.

If I could play the guitar, I’d have posted this as a video. Really.

(Photo Credit: pixiemay on Pixabay)