Have We Reached Peak “Florida Man”?

I’ve never lived in Florida, but I imagine it’s one heck of a place, judging from the many news stories where a “Florida man” does something utterly outrageous that either ends in his arrest or an extended stay in the hospital. You’ve seen the headlines, yes?

  • “Florida Man Accused of Attacking Girlfriend with Banana” (I assume #NoEuphemism here.)
  • “Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Tacos as I.D.” (Really, any Florida Man headline could include “drunk”.)
  • “Florida Man Arrested for Calling 911 After His Cat Was Denied Entry into Strip Club” (Won’t. Make. Obvious. Joke.)
  • “Florida Man Robs Gas Station Right After Filling Out Job Application” (Obviously, he really needed a job.)

And my personal all-time favorite:

I may have a new favorite Florida Man story, the horrible nature of the crime he allegedly committed notwithstanding. Pedro Bravo is on trial for allegedly killing his roommate in 2012. According the the investigators, Bravo sought advice on how to dispose of the dead body by whipping out his iPhone and asking Siri. Seriously. The police found the conversation on his phone. Siri, you might be interested to learn (but please do not tell me why), suggested several places one might dispose of a dead body, such as a swamp, a metal foundry foundry, and reservoirs. The police also showed the flashlight app on Bravo’s phone had been used several times in a relatively short period and that the GPS data saved on the phone didn’t match where he told police he had been.

So what can we learn from this?

1) We may have reached the pinnacle of Florida Man stories.

2) Siri will dime you out in a heartbeat.

3) The iPhone apparently has a flashlight app (I’ve owned an iPhone for over 2 years and did not know that). Oh, and it saves all sorts of information about where you’ve been and what apps you’ve used and how.

4) Siri also knows how to get rid of you if you think of crossing her, perhaps for diming you out over a crime you’ve committed, so you just put thoughts of revenge right out of your head.

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